Friday, November 7, 2014
Jp #6
I woke up in a strange place just surrounded by trees. I wonder "how did I get here?" The last thing I remember is when I got hit in the head with something hard and seeing stars. I start walking around until I see something that I have never seen before. I see sharks flying around this bear that is being surrounded by flying sharks. I see the bear roaring loudly and running in circles just trying not get eaten by the sharks. It is too late, the bear swung and missed falling straight to the ground. I watch in horror as the sharks go in fast as lightning shredding the bear into pieces. I start running because I know I need to get out of here. I take one step and a branch breaks under my foot making a cracking noise. The sharks look in my direction. I start running as fast as I can, I see the edge of forest and I start running faster than I have ever ran before. Just as I am about to make it out of this dreadful forest. I trip over my own foot and fall to ground. Then it went dark.
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Brevin,
ReplyDeleteYou say," I see sharks flying around this bear that is being surrounded by flying sharks" and flying sharks is redundant. Be sure to review for appropriate fluency.
Very suspenseful though.